Welcome To Where The Beauty Is!

Some stuff I really want you to know 🩵

‘How do you do the thing you are afraid of? Grab fear’s hand; Grab hope’s hand; Start walking.’ - CLEO WADE

Well hi.

Come on in!

If this new writing space is like my house, this post is me inviting you in for tea.

Want to meet my cats?

Writer Lady

My name is Kara, and I’m a writer.

I’ve been a writer for a really long time now.

When I was in Kindergarten, I wrote a short story, and it won an award.

(So that’s right - your girl has a certificate signed by an elementary school principal.)

From there, I just kept writing - first in diaries and notebooks and then in college, I took a class with a bunch of newspaper kids. I knew pretty quickly that I had found my people.

And so, I started working at newspapers at age 19 and then got a degree in journalism.

It was The Best - especially after I graduated, and got to work full time in a newsroom.

I wish there was a white noise app that offered police scanner + typing + phones ringing + fax machine whirring.

In a perfect world, the app would also make your phone emit the smell of charred coffee and old pizza.

KIDS!

I adored my job. Seriously. The rush of adrenaline that comes from getting a phone call during the reception for your husband’s friend’s wedding, and bailing so you can chase after cops in high heels is unmatched.

And I swam with sharks once!!

(the sharks were babies. i’m just saying my job was great.)

But plot twist - I was running in heels while just a teeny bit pregnant!

In fact, I was sitting in the newspaper office parking lot when I got the call that the blood test was positive and I really was going to be a mom. (Newspaper 101: always double check your facts - I was NOT going to just believe my own tinkle.)

And then I got two kids!

They were/are absolute little miracles considering that my lady parts were ALL jacked up in there.

Being a mom was the only “job” I loved more than being a newspaper gal.

And so, I decided I wanted to hang out with my kids for a while.

Blogging + Working on the Internet

So when my oldest was a few months old, I started working as a freelancer, and like every other person between the ages of 11 and 55 at the time, I started a blog.

A few people read it!

And then I made blog friends and got blog jobs. I was helping other people with their blogs and websites. And I was helping to pay the bills and life was pretty good.

And then Instagram was a thing! Fun!

But also Facebook. Booo.

And then blogs kind of stopped being blogs at all, and everyone had websites, and there was just so much to worry about all the time.

But by that point, I had met some of you who are reading this, and that was super cool, so my friend Cait and I decided to do the next thing that made sense back then and start a podcast.

And people listened more than a million-point-something times!

What?!

The Sort of Sad Part

But then one day, I decided that I needed to step away from everything.

It all felt very dark then. Everyone was yelling a lot on the Internet.

I was tired of trying so hard all the time, and it all felt like too much.

My kids, who had grown into amazing people, were moving on so fast, and I found myself wondering how I could help support their new dreams - college-sized dreams.

And so I made what I thought was a good, smart, responsible decision.

Which exploded remarkably about a year and a half later.

The Road Back

I think the past year of my life has probably been the hardest.

(and i swam with sharks!)

It’s felt like this beautiful poem written by my soul sister Kortney Garrison:

Forensics

Pull back the layers

one season at a time.

What’s all this dark for?

Except to make things

grow underground.

---

It helps a lot to keep what is good and true close. 💚

But do you want to hear something good?

This year has also been beautiful.

So many good things have happened.

So many good people have shown up.

I have a mom again.

Rupi Kaur says in her poem Productivity Anxiety:

isn’t the dream

that i have a mother to call

and a table to eat breakfast at

Yes.

Yes, that is the dream.

And finally, I have that.

I have a lot.

In so many ways, I have more than enough, and so I will tell you that I am determined to find the beauty right now, in the very, very messy middle.

Whole

What else?

I am currently pursuing wholeheartedness with every ounce that I have to give.

Recently, I was talking with a friend and I showed her a picture from a couple of years ago.

I had a visceral reaction, like I was going to vomit, but really, I just wanted to scream.

She asked what was wrong, and through barely controlled tears and with so much rage I said:

“I HATE HER.”

…

…

…

it was a photo of me

…

…

…

---

To be clear, I don’t hate myself anymore.

But I had to seriously blow some shit up to get to this point.

I’ve learned the very hard way that when we reject pieces of ourselves in order to keep others comfortable, it all has to fall apart eventually.

The masks must crumble.

Showing Up

And so, I am beginning again here.

(something else i have learned is that we can always begin again)

My new motto is: Show up. Tell the truth. Don’t run away.

It isn’t easy. At all.

At times, it’s terrifying.

During the past year, more than once, I have messed up. I’ve changed my mind about some really big things.

There were a few detours, like becoming a certified substitute teacher but never actually teaching, and accepting a full-time job at a university and then freaking out about my lack of work pants and shoes …

But as Pink says:

I am here

I am here

I’ve already seen the bottom so there’s nothing to fear.

Gratitude

And so, I am really, truly grateful that you are here.

To those of you who stuck with me through the past two years of radio silence:

Thank You.

I mean that.

🩵

But I also mean this:

If, after coming into my living room and seeing rainbow hearts and TWO books by Michelle Obama and my mug that has a picture of Jesus on it and says, “OMG you guys - that’s not what I said,” and all the cat hair on everything because right now, I would rather write to you than vacuum …

If it all makes you realize this isn’t where you want to be, please hit unsubscribe.

And then remove yourself quietly from my house.

(and know that i’m grateful for that too)

Beauty

But if, on the other hand, what I am writing here resonates with you, it would mean a lot to me if you would share this post with a friend or two.

My dream is to be a writer, and as a writer, it sure helps if someone wants to read, but it’s actually not a job requirement.

And I am not willing to pretend to be anyone but who I am for another second.

The beauty in that is:

🩵 I can look my kids in the eye

🩵 People who visit here will know they are safe and loved

🩵 I may be a little scared, but I am becoming whole again

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P.S. “Where there is great love,
there are always miracles.” - Willa Cather
❤️🧡💛💚🩵🩷💙💜