I feel this deeply myself. My friend Deidre Braley of The Second Cup Show recently hosted these poetry jam & slam nights to write poetry and share it on the spot (terrifying! exhilarating!). I wrote this poem about my own difficult relationship. I just wanted to share it, not because it offers hope (sorry!), but to say, I get it.
Oh wow 🩵 That’s powerful and I think it does bring hope in its own way. Loss like this is hard to explain. I think this poem reminds us that we aren't alone in grieving an invisible loss. And knowing "it's not just me," reminds us that other people have gone through this.
And oh my goodness that’s brave to read your work in front of people! 🩵🩵🩵 You get a trophy for extreme courage! 🏆
There's a quote from Anne Lamott, and I can't remember which book it's from, but your post made me think of it: "You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better."
If "taking the high road" and "letting it go" is working for you, cool, but if it's not, it's okay to let it all out. You're not obligated to cover for someone who behaved badly toward you.
I was raised to be polite and to keep in unfavorable opinions.
I wonder if I had heard this sentiment 20 years ago… how my life would have been different? Less guarded, more honest, more ME instead of THEIR version of me. Thanks for this discourse!!!
She is! I didn't fully appreciate her boldness when I was first introduced to her work in my 20s, but as I move through my 40s I find I appreciate her a lot more.
I think Taylor is getting it right for Taylor: Kara can do it Taylor’s way if she wants, but Kara isn’t getting someone to do hair, makeup, PR, limo rides, private jet, whatever treat she wants, someone to care for the bills and make appointments …
So what works for Taylor NOW isn’t the same thing Taylor did back THEN when she was in an earlier Era.
I hope your current Era of earnestness and open heartedness is just as cathartic as Taylor’s.
Remember though that as she was finishing the album, she was getting to party with famous friends and kissing someone who had a crush on her first…
So she had a happy ending already lined up for her writing… or at least a happy middle…
May you also have a happy middle (or end part) coming your way as you write through your heart break.
This is a thoughtful reflection on the dilemma so many writers face (including me!). How much to share? I listened to a podcast from a writer who wrote memoirs about very personal events in her life and her philosophy was that the art always came first in her life. So if sharing honest facts made the writing stronger, she was going to do it. I think I draw the lines a little differently as sometimes people come first instead of the art. But, I do feel like my writing is hampered sometimes because of it. Still finding the balance!
Loyalty is also the thing that’s gotten me deeply hurt in the past. Someone once told me I was like a golden retriever and I would keep holding my hand to the hot stove out of loyalty, even if it killed me, but I needed to take my hand off the stove now.
I’m glad you took your hand off the stove, even if it felt like it was way too late.
And Im so sorry you went through a horrible betrayal. Maybe writing about it will help? Loyalty is also what stops me from telling just story, even about people who deeply hurt me. Maybe another way loyalty prevents healing…
Also my daughter loved Taylor, so I heard all about the album release 😊
That's a good point. Maybe loyalty can go two ways. Maybe being loyal to people who are good to us is noble. But loyalty to people who have hurt us means we are choosing to hurt ourselves too?
Wow it sounds like you’ve been through something really painful, I’m sorry. I’m new here. I wondered what life after RAR was for you and found you and now I am just hoping to God this isn’t about the person I’m guessing it is. 🫣
I am so sorry you were hurt, Kara. I truly am. I am re-reading your post as I couldn't respond when I originally read it. Too many thoughts and feelings, but, you are so very right! About it all. I too thought I was getting it right and then my world came crashing down around me. I too put on a mask and brave face, because that is what we mommas do, only to die day after day to self. I keep it all in all of the time because I am at heart a huge people pleaser and don't want to cause others pain. So, day after day I take the hit instead. I have also been keeping it all in wondering if that is a monumental mistake for my road to healing. Thank you for being SO brave and sharing, Kara. You've inspired me to be brave too and let out some of the pain.
Oh girl. I feel like we’ve lived such parallel lives. This is eerily similar to what I went through last year with putting all of my faith into a best friend running an arm of my business in another city. Which she spectacularly collapsed due to her poor choices. The friendship completely severed, that studio closed and me filing for bankruptcy because I was sole prop and it was the only way to get out from under it. To say, it’s been a shit show us an understatement. So so much solidarity. Let’s def catch up at some point. Your kindness on Tiffany’s programs around my hysterectomy were so appreciated. 🙏🏼🫶🏼
I feel this deeply myself. My friend Deidre Braley of The Second Cup Show recently hosted these poetry jam & slam nights to write poetry and share it on the spot (terrifying! exhilarating!). I wrote this poem about my own difficult relationship. I just wanted to share it, not because it offers hope (sorry!), but to say, I get it.
Death Among the Living
by Sarah Steele
It would have been easier if someone had died—
for then I could have mourned loss
with understanding.
Instead, I endure grief that confounds—
every time our eyes meet and flinch away,
every time arms remain frozen at sides,
every time I hear your news from someone else.
Instead, here we are, both living, no funeral
to mark the death that has occurred.
This cuts deep!!
The end of a loving relationship is a death.
Oh wow 🩵 That’s powerful and I think it does bring hope in its own way. Loss like this is hard to explain. I think this poem reminds us that we aren't alone in grieving an invisible loss. And knowing "it's not just me," reminds us that other people have gone through this.
And oh my goodness that’s brave to read your work in front of people! 🩵🩵🩵 You get a trophy for extreme courage! 🏆
There's a quote from Anne Lamott, and I can't remember which book it's from, but your post made me think of it: "You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better."
If "taking the high road" and "letting it go" is working for you, cool, but if it's not, it's okay to let it all out. You're not obligated to cover for someone who behaved badly toward you.
I love that quote. It's been a good friend lately.
Thank you so much for this. Just hearing "it's OK to let it all out," allowed me to release a sob I've been holding in for too long.
I'm so grateful for this understanding and kindness 🤍
Wow, that Anne Lamott is bold!
I was raised to be polite and to keep in unfavorable opinions.
I wonder if I had heard this sentiment 20 years ago… how my life would have been different? Less guarded, more honest, more ME instead of THEIR version of me. Thanks for this discourse!!!
She is! I didn't fully appreciate her boldness when I was first introduced to her work in my 20s, but as I move through my 40s I find I appreciate her a lot more.
I think Taylor is getting it right for Taylor: Kara can do it Taylor’s way if she wants, but Kara isn’t getting someone to do hair, makeup, PR, limo rides, private jet, whatever treat she wants, someone to care for the bills and make appointments …
So what works for Taylor NOW isn’t the same thing Taylor did back THEN when she was in an earlier Era.
I hope your current Era of earnestness and open heartedness is just as cathartic as Taylor’s.
Remember though that as she was finishing the album, she was getting to party with famous friends and kissing someone who had a crush on her first…
So she had a happy ending already lined up for her writing… or at least a happy middle…
May you also have a happy middle (or end part) coming your way as you write through your heart break.
This is true. There isn't a team to help pick up the pieces if this all goes the wrong way.
But I feel stronger. Fear keeps me stuck. I'm ready to try a new way. 🩵
Yes! You empowered woman! You can do it! Even with pauses, you arise renewed and capable and fierce!!
ALSO I hope you get to party with friends and have luxury while you are going through something of your own!
"But I need a new poem now."
Ah! This line sings. The world needs fewer tortured poets and more well-fed women who know the cats on every block.
ThanK you aIMee [Kara’s Version] I am, and always will be, your groupie (no matter the era). 🤍🤍🤍
This is a thoughtful reflection on the dilemma so many writers face (including me!). How much to share? I listened to a podcast from a writer who wrote memoirs about very personal events in her life and her philosophy was that the art always came first in her life. So if sharing honest facts made the writing stronger, she was going to do it. I think I draw the lines a little differently as sometimes people come first instead of the art. But, I do feel like my writing is hampered sometimes because of it. Still finding the balance!
Ooh. Thank you for sharing that. That’s something to think about first sure - drawing our own lines. 🩵
Loyalty is also the thing that’s gotten me deeply hurt in the past. Someone once told me I was like a golden retriever and I would keep holding my hand to the hot stove out of loyalty, even if it killed me, but I needed to take my hand off the stove now.
I’m glad you took your hand off the stove, even if it felt like it was way too late.
And Im so sorry you went through a horrible betrayal. Maybe writing about it will help? Loyalty is also what stops me from telling just story, even about people who deeply hurt me. Maybe another way loyalty prevents healing…
Also my daughter loved Taylor, so I heard all about the album release 😊
That's a good point. Maybe loyalty can go two ways. Maybe being loyal to people who are good to us is noble. But loyalty to people who have hurt us means we are choosing to hurt ourselves too?
Exactly. 😩
Wow it sounds like you’ve been through something really painful, I’m sorry. I’m new here. I wondered what life after RAR was for you and found you and now I am just hoping to God this isn’t about the person I’m guessing it is. 🫣
Saaaaaame. 🫣
I am so sorry you were hurt, Kara. I truly am. I am re-reading your post as I couldn't respond when I originally read it. Too many thoughts and feelings, but, you are so very right! About it all. I too thought I was getting it right and then my world came crashing down around me. I too put on a mask and brave face, because that is what we mommas do, only to die day after day to self. I keep it all in all of the time because I am at heart a huge people pleaser and don't want to cause others pain. So, day after day I take the hit instead. I have also been keeping it all in wondering if that is a monumental mistake for my road to healing. Thank you for being SO brave and sharing, Kara. You've inspired me to be brave too and let out some of the pain.
Oh girl. I feel like we’ve lived such parallel lives. This is eerily similar to what I went through last year with putting all of my faith into a best friend running an arm of my business in another city. Which she spectacularly collapsed due to her poor choices. The friendship completely severed, that studio closed and me filing for bankruptcy because I was sole prop and it was the only way to get out from under it. To say, it’s been a shit show us an understatement. So so much solidarity. Let’s def catch up at some point. Your kindness on Tiffany’s programs around my hysterectomy were so appreciated. 🙏🏼🫶🏼